'A soul?'
'Yeah. What is it?'
'Well....'
This question posed so nonchalantly to me by my 5 year-old has caught me off guard. How do I answer this? Wait! I'm not ready! What will he understand? Is this one of those moments where you make it simple? Is it simple? I try my best:
'It's a special part of you that makes you you.'
'Well, where is it?'
'You can't see it buddy. It's not like your heart or your lungs or your bones. Still it's there and it's really important.'
'Why can't I see it?'
'Well, you know how when I tell you I love you with my whole heart? It's like that. The love isn't actually coming out of my heart so you can see it, but the love is big enough that I can feel it in my whole body and it fills me up. That love is part of my soul. I can't see it but it's there. Does that make sense?'
He looks at me for a moment and says, 'Ok.' And I can only assume he's satisfied with this answer. The trouble is, I'm not.
I want to have an answer equal parts rational and elegant. I want to be profound and walk away proudly knowing that he understands exactly what his soul is. What I realize is that the words, as usual, fail me. Not only is my answer unclear, but I'm wondering is it even right? Is our soul the part of us that loves? I guess I think so, sort of. In my mind I tell myself that soul is spirit. It's our breath mingled with our emotions and our dreams. It's the biggest and most visibly invisible piece of us. It goes elsewhere when we die and it was born at conception, the very second the miracle occurred. But how does that make sense? How do I explain this with any meaning to my small son? Do I go ahead and just say it the way I think it and watch the wheels turn? The moment has already passed, so I guess I don't. Maybe it will come up again, next week, or 5 years from now and my perspective and his perspective will be different and the words may suffice. At least as much as they can in terms of soul.
The point is little man, telling you now wherever you may be when you maybe see these words, that when it comes to the soul, I'm better at thinking in a line. I can make a list of what it is and what it isn't. This much I know with certainty: You are part of my soul. You're a piece that's not invisible. You're a piece that the whole world can see and that is such a miracle. Especially coming from this Mom who doesn't open herself wide to the world. You don't have to do surgery to look at my soul. You just have to look in the mirror. You were part of my body once and a huge piece of my emotions and dreams since before I knew you and onto forever. If souls had symbols the way super-heros do, you would be mine.
'It's a special part of you that makes you you.'
'Well, where is it?'
'You can't see it buddy. It's not like your heart or your lungs or your bones. Still it's there and it's really important.'
'Why can't I see it?'
'Well, you know how when I tell you I love you with my whole heart? It's like that. The love isn't actually coming out of my heart so you can see it, but the love is big enough that I can feel it in my whole body and it fills me up. That love is part of my soul. I can't see it but it's there. Does that make sense?'
He looks at me for a moment and says, 'Ok.' And I can only assume he's satisfied with this answer. The trouble is, I'm not.
I want to have an answer equal parts rational and elegant. I want to be profound and walk away proudly knowing that he understands exactly what his soul is. What I realize is that the words, as usual, fail me. Not only is my answer unclear, but I'm wondering is it even right? Is our soul the part of us that loves? I guess I think so, sort of. In my mind I tell myself that soul is spirit. It's our breath mingled with our emotions and our dreams. It's the biggest and most visibly invisible piece of us. It goes elsewhere when we die and it was born at conception, the very second the miracle occurred. But how does that make sense? How do I explain this with any meaning to my small son? Do I go ahead and just say it the way I think it and watch the wheels turn? The moment has already passed, so I guess I don't. Maybe it will come up again, next week, or 5 years from now and my perspective and his perspective will be different and the words may suffice. At least as much as they can in terms of soul.
The point is little man, telling you now wherever you may be when you maybe see these words, that when it comes to the soul, I'm better at thinking in a line. I can make a list of what it is and what it isn't. This much I know with certainty: You are part of my soul. You're a piece that's not invisible. You're a piece that the whole world can see and that is such a miracle. Especially coming from this Mom who doesn't open herself wide to the world. You don't have to do surgery to look at my soul. You just have to look in the mirror. You were part of my body once and a huge piece of my emotions and dreams since before I knew you and onto forever. If souls had symbols the way super-heros do, you would be mine.
As far as clarity goes, that may be the best I can do.
